


The Pull of You

by bluntblade



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/F, Lesbian Rey (Star Wars), Mutual Pining, Not Reylo, POV Rey (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Rey Needs A Hug, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:07:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22470760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluntblade/pseuds/bluntblade
Summary: Rey knows full well what she'd like to say and do to Kaydel. But growing up alone in the desert doesn't exactly equip you for navigating the ins and outs of attraction, and the events above Crait have only deepened her worries about making herself vulnerable.Inspired by the song of the same name by The National. Melancholy levels are intended to be about the same as said song, and an updated version of this will be in my Episode IX rewrite.
Relationships: Kaydel Ko Connix & Rey, Kaydel Ko Connix/Rey
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	The Pull of You

Rey was still new to the notion of drinking for its own sake. Alcohol had been an absurd, even dangerous extravagance on Jakku. Anyone who indulged had either been rich – Unkar Platt and his kind – or they’d been the kind of wretch who…

Suffice to say, Rey didn’t like to think about that after the _Supremacy_.

But after hanging around the Resistance, she’d begun to get vaguely curious about it. Especially when Poe formed the Scrappers around her – it turned out that ex-gladiators and bounty hunters were fond of a good drink. So, cautiously, Rey had begun to try this substance that fogged the brain and seemed to loosen everything else.

She didn’t think she’d got truly drunk yet. Life in the Resistance generally discouraged it, and even though Poe liked to allow a “loose” night when he thought it had been earned, she held back on those occasions too. She didn’t want to make a show of herself like some people did after a few too many. Leaving aside the inability to walk and the throwing up, she was more than a little scared of what might come bubbling up if she couldn’t keep a lid on her thoughts and feelings.

Things like her fears about the future, the lingering worries about just who she was, or what she privately called the _pull_. She knew what, or rather who provoked that latter feeling. One Kaydel Ko Connix.

Sometime after she’d had the chat with her at Poe’s request, a recruitment mission had taken them to Quolth and they’d found themselves sat together by a campfire. Kaydel had got to talking about the mountains back on Dulathia, and the very idea of those was still new to Rey. She’d badgered Kaydel for information; what they looked like, how much snow fell on them in winter, the rivers that ran off them in summer. Kaydel had been startled to find someone taking an interest, but once she got past that she opened right up. And as she poured out stories about trips and sights, a thought arose and struck Rey.

_Kiss her._

She could do that. She could reach out and tuck away that strand of hair which had crept loose from the other woman’s braid. Maybe she could be brazen about it and just take Kaydel’s chin in her hand…

…And she could get a slap in the face for her trouble. Or a no.

But neither of those fears were what really stopped Rey. The bigger part of her was terrified about what would happen if Kaydel went with it. Friends was one thing, but was she ready to risk being anything more? After the last time she’d opened her heart to someone?

Not, admittedly, that Kaydel seemed like the murderous warmongering type. She was kind, funny when she was given any real chance to talk, and more than a little pretty. But something wouldn’t let Rey go there.

So every now and again the command beat in her ears, and Rey tried to act as though she hadn’t heard it.

The night after they’d got back from Vatel, she excused herself after a few drinks and made her way back to the Falcon. Only for Kaydel to get up and come with her, claiming she needed to stretch her legs.

They talked idly until they got within sight of the ship.

“You know, Rey, we’ve got billets going spare in the base.”

“I’ve got my billet. On the ship.”

“And that’s where you sleep every time we’re off in space. Ever think you might want to leave it to air out, once in a while?”

Rey let out a gasp of mock offence. “Oh, that’s _not_ a kind thing to imply, Lieutenant.”

Kaydel giggled. “I beg your forgiveness, Captain. It was never my intention to insult an officer. But,” she said, turning a little serious. “But speaking as just Kaydel and Rey. You’re always in there, keeping yourself separate from the rest of us.”

“Chewie stays on board too.”

Kaydel raised her hands just a little, a tiny threat to remonstrate. “He’s an old Wookie and his cabin’s belonged to him for something like fifty years, on-and-off.” She cut ahead of Rey, turning to walk backwards while facing her. “You’re… err, twentysomething, right?”

“Right.” She estimated she was twenty-two now.

“Twenty-two at a guess, and you’re trudging back to your cabin early, every night. Get loose, girl! Learn to relax a little.”

Rey kept quiet.

“OK, so I’m not asking for you to get wasted. No one wants to see the hope of the Jedi spray her guts everywhere. But you’re wound up _so tightly_.” They were almost at the Falcon. Kaydel let Rey catch up to her, and put a hand on her shoulder. “Can you just spend a night away from the saber?”

“I’m sorry?”

Kaydel sighed. “Coy doesn’t suit you, Rey. I’ve walked in on you three times to find you staring into a drawer, and I know what’s in that drawer.”

Rey knew she was right. But she didn't want to admit that yes, she spent night after night staring at a broken lightsaber. She made for the ramp. “Didn’t realise you were that concerned about where I stared.”

“Where you’re staring doesn’t bother me, so much as where your head’s at.” Kaydel halted at the bottom of the ramp, putting one arm around a support. “You did a lot for my peace of mind, and I’m… concerned about yours.”

Rey turned at that, and found herself leaning on the doorframe, looking down at Kaydel. The other woman gazed up at her, eyes bright and her expression a little nervous.

“Look, I’ve got space in my bed – I mean I’ve got a spare bunk. If you fancy it?” Kaydel’s words came out in a rush. "Just for one night." Rey recognised the jumble of nervousness and hope in her voice.

She was tempted. Oh yes she was, and she felt a quiver in her stomach as she wondered if Kaydel really meant her spare bunk. _She might want it too. All it would take is to ask._

But she didn’t dare, not just now. Because she’d stood here before, with eyes gazing up at her. And she didn't know how to explain to Kaydel about that.

“Maybe another time,” she said. “Goodnight, Kaydel.” She closed the door. Not quickly enough for Kaydel not to see the reluctant look in her eyes.

She slumped against the cold metal, listening to the reproach in her own heartbeat, and asked herself if it would ever not be “just now”.


End file.
